No one would be lost without me. No one is truly invested in my life. No one depends on me. I don't know how to feel about that.
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Some of my friends haven’t made much of an effort to stay in contact. That’s life, I guess. Some friends just grow apart and distance doesn’t help matters. It’s weird when I see some people and I think about how little I know about their lives now, when I used to be such a big part of their lives before.
But there are some friendships that have only gotten stronger since I moved away and I’m so grateful. Because they have shown me who I can count on to be there regardless of how much distance is between us. This move is going to be hard for me. Separating myself from my family is going to be so difficult. But it’s good to know that I have good people in Ohio waiting for me.
I don’t need anything extravagant. I don’t need lots of money or lots of friends. I just want a simple life. I wanna surround myself with good people and I want someone to protect and love and care for. I want to be around my family. I want to live comfortably. I want stability.
That’s all. I just don’t know how I am going to make it happen.
I was 14 :/ A friend had hooked me up with a friend from her school. We both spent the night at her house and we all watched a few movies and shit. He kept stroking me through my jeans and I just kept watching the movie like nothing was happening. When she left to go talk to her girlfriend on the phone, he just unzipped me and took me in his mouth. Just like that. No fucking hesitation. I lasted all of 3 minutes.
Another reason why I want to move back this summer. I feel like my friends are moving on and if I take to long to come back there may not be a place for me in their lives anymore.
I remember when I was in middle school and I was pretty much obsessed with the soundtrack for The Bodyguard. Whitney had such an amazing voice and I was just in awe of it. I remember sitting in the bus and listening to her songs on my cd player over and over and over again.
I haven’t been too affected by very many celebrity deaths, not since Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty and Rue Mclanaghan. But I’m not ashamed to say that this one is shaking me up a bit. RIP Whitney. You are truly unforgettable.
I don’t have any of that here. It’s hard for me to actually connect with most people. Well, with any luck, I’ll be back in Ohio by summer.